The brainwashing of Hikigaya Hachiman
by justgivingmytwoshekel'sworth
Summary: Hachiman becomes brainwashed


One day, Hachiman was alone at his table during lunch as usual. He looked outside the window contemplating suicide.

If only he could just end it all with a fall.

However, his suicidal thoughts were interrupted after a slight altercation at the center of the classroom piqued his interests.

Hayama and Zaimokuza were arguing with each other.

"Dudeeee Ypipo R the fucking devilz they raped and pillage entire civilisations for resources and look at what our world has gone to now? Poverty, hunger and diseases are all by-products of whitey imperialism. Stay woke fam."

"Shut the fuck up cunt. Just because you are a filthy half-breed Mexican subhuman fatfuck beaner doesn't mean that you can blame your own failure in life on us Whites. Also, you can't rape and pillage civilizations which didn't exist in the first place. Back then you savages can't even form a community, let alone a civilization."

"What Zaimokuza is a Mexican? Ewwwwww better not let him touch my aryan skin," Yui commented in disgust. The whole class nodded their heads in unison. Even Hachiman partially acknowledged Hayama's statement because it is more convincing than Zaimokuza's "Ypipo" argument.

"Fuck y'all white people are the worst you can't argue that just look at all the countries owned by whiteys USA, UK, Germany all filthy NAZI shitholes smf tbh fam!"

Hayama's playful demeanor darkened. He is about to mean business.

He leaned towards Zaimokuza, breathing intensely into the latter's face, as he uttered with the most intimidating voice he could muster the words which he lived up to ever since the day he was born.

"Dude, US OF A IS THE BEST FUCKING COUNTRY."

"Across the plains of Texas, across the lakes of Mississippi, across the tundras of Alaska, there's nothing in the world capable of evoking a stronger feeling of pride than the witnessing of ye red, white and blue; ye ol' glory hoisted up high on the staff, ye bald eagle exercising its full liberty in the sky, ye fellow Americans reaching the frontier of mankind. The love for my nation is not to be assuaged easily, and so long as it remains the land of the free, and the home of the brave, I shall defend its honor with mine every last breath."

Hayama started to tear up. So did the rest of the class. So did Hachiman too.

Zaimokuza, realising that he effectively lost the debate, deported himself out of shame.

Just then, an American B-52 bounded for Okinawa flew over the school. Hayama and the rest of the class saluted in the direction of the plane, wishing it a bonne voyage.

And then they broke into the national anthem of the United States.

"Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early night…"

"O'er the laaaaannnnnd of the freeeeeeeeeeee

Annnnnnnnnd the hooooooooooooome offffffffffffff theeeeeeeeee braaaaaaaaave."

The patriotism was too much for Hachiman to bear, and he broke down at the beautiful moment.

Hachiman witnessed the whole thing, and, having invariably being brainwashed by Hayama and his Yankee friends, was completely changed as a person.

He renounced his religion of 2D waifus and converted to Christianity. He started parading the Old Glory around the school, seeking every opportunity to throw in the pledge of allegiance or the Star Spangled Banner into his speech.

Having embraced the Americanism, he started spreading the democracy to his blue-pilled friends. Thanks to him, Yukino converted to Americanism as well. Soon, the whole school becomes America.

Alois Scheikelgruber filled in the application form. He has enrolled his son to Shobu High School after moving to Chiba. His son is aspiring to take liberal arts in college and Shobu High School is the only one that provides this course.

When his son entered the school, he was not affected by the spreading of democracy. In fact this made him resent USA even more. Soon as the first term ended, he had enough of the Americanism cancer. He has decided to put an end to the plague.

"Well, good thing these sheeples believe in anything." He snickered as he crafted out his ideology that is going to tear the entire school apart.


End file.
